𝟎𝟗.

“Dude.” I mumbled to myself after pulling my pants down to use the bathroom.

“What?” My mama asked me because I was in her bathroom while she was doing her makeup.

“Nothing.” I said, immediately dismissing what I was talking about cause I didn’t mean to speak out loud.

It was hurting like fuck whenever I had to pee recently.

I grabbed some tissue and wiped myself. I pulled my pants back up and walked over to one of the sinks in my mama and daddy’s bathroom cause they had two of them. I went to my daddy’s side because it was less junky than my mama’s.

“So, we’re starting back going to church.” My mama told me as I washed my hands. We were big on the church thing before like the pandemic hit and stuff. But when we were able to go back we were just so used to not going anymore.

“When?” I asked her.

“Next Sunday.” She told me and I nodded in response as I grabbed a paper towel to dry my hands.

“Kiyari what’s wrong with you?” She stopped beating her face with her beauty blender and raised her eyebrow at me.

“What you mean?” I questioned.

“I don’t know. You just been…bland.” She said truthfully. “Like down. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I said.

She wasn’t wrong, but there wasn’t anything wrong. I was just having one of them moods.

“Right.” She said sarcastically. “I carried you for nine months, I know my child. I know all of my kids. So I know it’s something you not telling me.” She went back to doing her makeup again.

“Nothing mama. I’m fine.” I laughed cause she swear she know me. She really does though, her mommy intuition be doing the damn thing. “I just don’t wanna be bothered.”

I saw her frown a bit.

“Ugh. This must be how my mama felt when I got to that age and started saying I didn’t wanna be bothered. You’re growing up.” She pouted.

“You so dramatic.” I shook my head.

“I’m serious. You my last little baby. Brooke and Taj ole grown fast asses get on my nerves.” She said.

Brooke had been moved out but she was always around still. Tajae was next cause she was getting her apartment in a few weeks. So I would officially be the last one leaving the nest and I swear I think it’s taking a toll on my parents.

That’s probably the reason why I don’t really get in trouble when I do shit cause I’m the youngest. But I calmed down some because I realized I was kind of running over them and they don’t deserve that cause they’re really good parents. I was giving them hell. Especially in the summer time. I was doing all kinds of shit.

My mama only 37 and my daddy is 42. Yes my daddy was 21 fucking on my mama while she was 16. Personally, my daddy need his ass tow up. But like I said they grown now so. It mattered then but now nobody give a fuck. They grown.

My mama got pregnant with Brooke when she was 16 but had her at 17, had Taj at 19 and me a year later. Her and my daddy was getting down that year. Me and Tajae were closer in age so we got along for the better and the worse.

Brooke is 21, Tajae is 18, and I’m 17.

“Can I live with y’all until I’m like 21? Ion wanna live by myself it sounds too grown.” I said.

I wanted to move out a few months after graduation but it was coming faster than I expected. Like literally all of my senior activities are coming up.

Prom is literally right around the corner and my dress is still not finished being made. I got a custom one months ago, but with the design that I wanted I think the timing on how long it’s taking is reasonable.

But damn. I’m tryna see if my vision is good or not.

The lady who was designing it was a family friend. She made both of my sisters prom dresses and she made them exactly how they wanted them to be. So I wasn’t too worried about it getting fucked up but there’s always a chance.

“You can live with us for as long as you want.” She chuckled. “I’m not the mama who send her kids out in the world by themselves as soon as they turn 18.”

I be seeing parents do that shit and it be sad. Especially cause the cost of living so high nowadays. People just automatically assume that when you 18 you just supposed to have your shit together. I can already tell that won’t be the case with me.

People don’t even be preparing their kids for the world and just be sending them out there.

My grandma didn’t do that with my mama and my mama always said she wouldn’t do that to her kids either.

Tajae moving out by choice, she doesn’t have to.

“Okay good.” I replied. “Now let’s talk about this date you and daddy going on.” I hopped up on the sink and sat down.

“Girl.” She smiled.

I loved the way my parents love each other. Like they been together for damn near forever and they still act like they just got together. Even though my mama was young as hell when they met, he made sure she was set for the rest of her life. Especially when she first got pregnant.

Like my mama don’t want for shit. He gets her everything she wants. My mama don’t even work, she’s a stay at home mom and wife.

He literally married her and put her up he was not playing. He proposed after she had Tajae and got married before getting pregnant with me again.

He was her first everything. She never even experienced stuff with another man. He never stepped out on her either.

My daddy was the literal definition of a hood nigga back in the day but once he started having kids he realized he didn’t really want us to grow up in that environment so he stopped everything he was doing for us and my mom.

He was able to leave that part of his life alone peacefully, which not many people was able to do. He was in his prime back then and that alone made him set for life too because he wasn’t playing with his money and spending it on stupid shit. Before he left the street life he ain’t leave with nothing.

He was a business man.

Even though he was a big ass drug dealer he was one of them lowkey types. Like if it all came crashing down he had things to fall back on. He put his money to use because he had restaurants, tattoo shops, all of that to his name.

To this day people still talk about him and how big he was. He never got caught up in stuff with the police so they never even had a face to match his street name so that helped him a lot with moving on. They only know the him now.

When people greet him and they know who he is from what he used to do in the past they say his actual name out of respect. He’s really highly favored. Like a damn hood celebrity.

We don’t stay in the exact place where he used to be. You know how hoods be having that like suburban side to it? That was where we stayed at in a big ass house on a nice ass street.

“Where are y’all even going?” I asked my mama. “Cause you acting like you getting ready for a first date.” I teased.

“Some new fancy restaurant that just opened. You know your daddy like to see who his competition is.” She said and I laughed.

My daddy don’t play, he like being the best at everything.

“What about Tyrone?” He walked into the bathroom while adjusting his tie.

“Dad.” I looked at his outfit. He got that SHIT on.

“You know how I do it.” He dusted himself off, knowing I was gonna compliment him.

“I love my baby dad.” My mama mumbled after looking at him.

Jealous ain’t even the word. I want what they got cause it’s so cute. I think that’s why part of me do the shit that I do with Khalil. He was basically my first everything we just never dated and I hate that. Sometimes I hate that I was so open to somebody I was never even with. It’s really a bad attachment.

But part of me always thought we would together so it’s more so me holding out on hope.

Ever since he did that lil shit with Yasmine and he swore he wouldn’t ever do nothing like that to me again and he was gonna get right, I didn’t believe him at first but he got me to open up to the idea more.

I swear he on his last chance. I know I play and don’t stand on business but I’m dead serious.

“Y’all not grown.” I told my parents.

“How you think you got here?” My mama asked me and I immediately turned up my face. “We was being grown.”

“No YOU was being grown, daddy was already that.” I pointed out and she let out a laugh.

“I miss back in the day. I had all the old bitches so mad. They did not like the fact that a high schooler took their man.” She said. “I was always about to get in a fight.”

“And Ian never let you fight they ass.” He said. “I was slapping the fuck outta bitches for you.”

Like I said, he don’t play about her.

“You never let me get my ones with that Bianca bitch. That’s the only one I’m still mad about.” She shook her head.

Ion know who Bianca is but she better not ever let my mama catch her ass.

“What she do mama?” I asked.

“She was some delusional hoe yo daddy used to mess with. She used to pick with me every chance she got. Yo daddy never let me whoop that trick.” She shook her head.

“You was too pretty to be fighting.” He told her.

“Was too pretty?” She eyed him and he sucked his teeth.

“You know you fine. Been telling you that since back in 03.” He told her and she smiled.

“Y’all so ugly I’m getting out of here.” I jumped down from the counter. “Have her back at midnight and I’m not playing.” I told my daddy.

“Girl I’m your dad you don’t tell me when to have MY wife back home.” He jerked his head back.

“You heard me.” I warned before exiting out of their room.

I decided since I had nothing better to do I was gonna go to Taj’s room to get on her nerves.

“Tajjjjjj.” I dragged as I walked through the house and made my way to her room.

“Do not come harassing me Yari. I’m not playing.” She said as she sat at her vanity flat ironing her hair.

“Where you going?” I asked before sitting down on her bed.

“Nowhere. I’m getting cute to make tiktoks.” She told me.

“I want some bundles.” I told her. She sells hair, I’m her biggest customer.

“You can have those.” She pointed to some that were sitting on her dresser. “I was gonna use them but you can.”

“How many inches are they?”

“28, 30, and 32.”

I made a mental note to grab them before leaving out her room. Taj sells hair and Brooke does lashes.

Me? I don’t know what I wanna do. I could do hair really good but I hated doing others. I did it here and there but I might start taking it seriously.

“Did you talk to grandma?” She turned around to look at me.

“Which one?” I asked.

“Clarice.” She said, referring to my daddy’s mom.

“Yeah. She sent me some money on cashapp.” I said.

I loved both of my grandma’s. They always be sending me money.

“She ain’t send me shit.” Tajae scrunched up her face.

“That lets you know where she stands with you.” I said and she waved me off.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” She asked.

“No not until later that day. I’m supposed to be going to the movies with my friends.” I said.

“Them not your friends.” She spoke.

“Them means Malachi.” I said.

“Girl fuck that ugly temper fade ass bitch.” She spat out.

They used to go together so bad. They shook the table too cause it was so unexpected.

They broke up because Taj wanted to start branching out in life and Malachi wasn’t with that. He didn’t want change and they couldn’t agree on anything so they just went their separate ways.

“You love him.” I told her.

“I wouldn’t love him if God himself came down here and sat next to me and told me to.” She said.

“Okay miss business standing onner.” I gassed.

“Exactly, you need to learn how to. Keep letting that nigga run over you.” She said to me and I rolled my eyes.

“I don’t let him run over me.” I defended and she looked at me through the mirror.

“Right.” She said.

“Yall aggravating.” I mumbled. “Acting like y’all ain’t been on a nigga bad before.”

“It’s a difference between being on a nigga bad and just being dumb.” She said. “You need to put your foot down or if you gon stay at least get your get back. You just take it and take it.”

“I don’t do get backs for real.” I said.

I really didn’t. I can go tit for tat but only to certain extents. I’m not finna go get a boyfriend just cause he had a lil girlfriend. I would rather just move on from that situation. That’s too petty for me.

“Need to do sumn. He just gon keep doing the same shit.”

“He said he not.”

“And if you believe him you’re crazy as hell.” She shook her head. “You’ll learn though, one day he gon do something you won’t be able to forgive him for and my sister will finally be FREE and back to herself.”

“I’m still me.” I looked at her.

“Not really. Youn even hang out with me and Brooke no more or mama and daddy. Everything is about that nigga.” She went on. “Made him your whole damn life.”

“Next subject.” I said, wanting to switch the topic before I got mad. Cause don’t piss me off.

“Mhmmm.” She hummed.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“Homegirllll.” Samaria dragged as she got into the passenger seat of my car and I smiled.

“Hey bookie.” I greeted her.

“Hell you coming from?” She asked me, getting situated in her seat. She was bored and asked me if I wanted to smoke with her. It was still morning but one thing about her is she gone get high no matter what time it is.

“The doctor, I had to get a checkup.” I said.

“You pregnant?” She asked me and I shook my head no fast as hell.

“Know damn well I’m on birth control.” I said.

“Had to ask. I have baby fever and somebody need to have a baby and it’s not gonna be me.” She laughed before pulling out her lighter. She had two blunts in her hand when she was coming outside.

“I always be high off my ass fucking with you.” I told her.

“Don’t be mad at me. Khalil the one who be selling me that good shit.” She said as she lit one of the blunts.

Once she did that she hit it before passing it to me and I did the same. We passed it back and forth between the each of us as we talked about different things, I liked smoking with Samaria because she was one of them people who talked about real life shit when she got high.

When we were done we smoked the other one and we was high off our ass. It didn’t even take that long to kick in from the first time so we was just high as hell getting even more high.

“Go to the store I need some snacks.” She said. The store was only at the corner of her street so I felt comfortable driving the distance.

I started the car and put it in drive and went to the gas station at the corner. We both hopped out of the car and I locked it before walking into the store and the bell on the door went off as we walked inside.

“I’m getting fruit snacks.” I told her before walking off to the aisle they were in. I only liked Welch’s fruit snacks. Anything else? Hell nah.

Once I reached the aisle I noticed that a boy was standing where I was tryna get to. I didn’t say nothing and he realized I was right there so he spoke cause I was just standing there.

“If you need to get right here then say sumn.” He said and I scrunched up my face because of his tone.

“Yeah. You not talking to me.” I said. He moved out the way and I took his place to figure out which fruit snacks I wanted since it was a good variety of them.

“So who I’m talking to then if we the only ones in the aisle?” He questioned.

“Ima be nice cause ion know you and you might kill people for a living. But just know that if you wasn’t a stranger I would’ve cussed you out.” I responded back and I heard him chuckle. “What’s funny?”

“You.” He said. “You like this small, but talking this big.” He made hands movements to go with his words.

“You’re weird. Stop talking to me before I yell out stranger danger for real.” I waved him off and turned my attention to the fruit snacks.

“People be high and be chill. You high talking shit.” He said.

“How you know I’m high?” I looked at him, eyes was low as shit. I knew it.

“Cause your eyes low and red and you slurring a lil.” He pointed out.

“Oh.” I replied. “Right.”

I decided on getting the big bag of the Berries N Cherries fruit snacks and while I was grabbing them I felt him staring so I looked at him after I grabbed them.

“Fuck you looking at me fa?” He mugged me.

“Cause you looking at me. The fuck?”

“I’m not looking at you.” He said, clearly lying.

“Right.” I said. I was about to walk off but he stopped me.

“What your name is?” He said and I turned back around.

“Why?” I asked.

“Cause. Now what’s yo damn name?” He asked again.

At first I was gonna tell him a fake name but decided against it.

“Kiyari.” I said. “What’s your name?”

“This not about me right now.” He said and I straight faced him making him laugh.

“Sike nah. It’s Amir.” He told me.

“Well Amir. It’s not nice to meet you.” I said and he smacked his lips and jerked his head back playfully.

“What you mean it ain’t nice to meet me? I’m that nigga.” He defended himself.

“You’re not that guy.” I responded.

“Alright cause you playing in my face with your high ass.” He said and I laughed hard as hell. “See. High. Cause that wasn’t even funny.”

“Yari— who is that?” Samaria came in the aisle we were in.

“I do not know this man. He just came up to me asking me if I wanted some candy out of his white van.” I said and she looked in between us.

“She lying like fuck.” He said. “This your friend?”

“Yes.” Samaria answered.

“Get a new one. Sumn wrong with her ass.” He said and she laughed.

“Don’t laugh at him.” I rolled my eyes.

“I like him whoever he is. He funny.” She said.

“But give me your number.” He said to me.

“Oop.” Samaria said before turning her attention to the candy that was on the racks.

Amir pulled out his phone and tapped on it before handing it to me so I could put my number in.

“You bold. You know me and my homegirl gonna talk about you in the car right?” I asked him as I typed in my number and saved my contact name.

“Sholl is!” Samaria said.

“That’s coo. It’s gon be all good things.” He shrugged.

I texted myself so I could save his number too.

“Ima text you.” He told me and I nodded before he walked to the front of the store to pay for the stuff he had.

Ian gon lie he was fine as fuck. He was on the lighter side and I try to avoid them bright muthafuckas but he was just sexy.

Or maybe I’m just high and he not even all that.

Nah he was fine.

Don’t care.

“Not you just found a new nigga. I’m so happy I could cry.” Samaria said, wiping a fake tear.

“Mmcht. That’s not my new nigga.” I said before my mind switched to Khalil.

I miss my stink I wonder what he’s doing.

Me and Samaria paid for our snacks and got back into my car and drove back to her house. I was too high to go back home so I just stayed with her.

“I didn’t say you could go over there.” Khalil said over the phone as I laid down in Samaria’s bed.

“I didn’t know I needed permission.” I responded.

“You do. I’m yo daddy. Don’t play with me.” He said and I giggled.

Ima stop calling him that shit cause he let it go to his head. Ima just moan something else while we doing it.

“I miss you.” I poked out my bottom lip and he looked at me through the camera before smiling showing his white teeth.

“I miss you too.” He moved his face back out the camera so I wouldn’t see him cheesing.

“Aht. I see you over there smiling don’t hide.” I said.

“Shut up.”

So mean.

“But I’m finna take a nap in Sam’s bed.” I told him.

“You saying that like you finna hang up on me.”

“I was but if you wanna stay on the phone with me while I sleep just say that.” I teased.

“I do. You know I do. So stop playin wimme.”

“Mhm. Goodnight.” I grabbed the blanket Samaria had on her bed. I would’ve got under the cover but my clothes wasn’t fresh clothes, I had been outside and I knew how she got about people having outside clothes on her bed.

I was surprised she even let me lay on it.

“Goodnight.”

I had gotten comfortable enough. I was still kind of high and was in need of a nap so bad.