Ch. 1: Lorcan

LORCAN

The roar of the crowd blares in my ears.

Their cheers and shrieks create an amalgamation of sound that rings inside my head, turning my mind to mush, and for the most part, I am not even sentient. I see only the body of water below me, glaring into my eyes with the fervor of an unearthed sapphire.

Being tossed around the center of the pool is my mate. She is the strongest woman I know, the love of my life, and yet she looks beaten down. Exhausted. Clinging to the water’s surface with the fervor at which she clings to the last morsels of her life.

My irons are a cold reminder that I cannot save her now.

The Witch Queen sighs from beside me. “What a shame,” she mutters to herself. “Her death will be rather dull.”

My blood roars, but even the fury is not enough to damper my horror as Amberly is dragged under the water again. I stare at the surface, heart pounding, needing to see her swim up. Needing to know she’s still alive.

The seconds pass, and I sense my sanity slipping with every moment she does not come up to the surface. Then there’s a tug inside my chest, like the sensation of a tunnel collapsing, opening up another passage, and I can feel it. I can feel her.

And I know with certainty that time is running out.

“Amberly!” I scream down the bond. Her face resurfaces, and when those gorgeous, amber eyes lock mine, it’s like the world stops. Time freezes, the roaring goes silent in my ears, and for one precious moment, it is just me and her. We are the only two people to exist.

Then, the moment shatters, and she’s dragged under.

“NO!” I scream, but my cry is drowned out by the excited scream of the crowd. The Witch Queen throws me a grin, and I can sense Narcassia staring at me, but my eyes are locked on the waters, praying she will resurface.

But somehow, I get the sinking feeling that she will never resurface again, and when the ice glitters upon the surface, forming a layered sheet that gets thicker by the second, I know it is not just a feeling, but a fact.

My lionheart is going to die.

At that point I begin thrashing against my restraints, moving so violently that the iron cuts into my flesh and hot blood runs down my skin, but it’s no use. I am forced to watch the thick ice wall seal my lionheart under, cutting her off from all oxygen.

I start to scream.

“My, what a performance from our Fae lord,” the Witch Queen drawls, looking awfully pleased with herself as she stares at me. “I’d even go as far as to say this is somewhat poetic.”

“Let her go,” I beg her, sobbing upon my own words. My face is red and wet with my desperation, but I don’t care. All I can feel is the bond in my chest weaker by the second, and I dread the moment it’ll disappear.

When the queen doesn’t respond, I thrash violently in my restraints. “Let her go!”

She merely smiles at me. A venomous smile. Animalistic cries of desperation rip from my throat as I realize nobody is going to save her, and that I am going to be forced to sit through this. That she is going to die while I can do nothing but cry and beg.

The seconds pass, and the connection gets weaker by the second. I sense my sanity slipping away, my cries getting louder and more animalistic, but all I can focus on is the threads as they snap and before long I am clinging to the last, tiny thread that represents her life.

Then, it breaks, and the bond inside my chest, the one that was trying so hard to stay alive, goes silent.

The last of my sanity shatters, and I break. I completely, utterly break. A scream rips from my chest, one that renders the entire pit silent, and I can’t hear anything but the roaring silence inside my head. I don’t even feel like I’m in my own body as I stare at the water, knowing she is lifeless somewhere below the ice.

---

I’m thrown awake.

Gasping, shuddering, I stare around as little geometric shapes rotate and spin in my vision. Every inch of me is trembling.

I look down to where my mate lies beside me, staring up at me with wide eyes. Alive. Well. Wholly at odds with the hollow sensation of her death inside my chest. A choked sob escapes me.

“Amberly…” My voice breaks on her name as I gather her into my arms, pressing her to my chest. I need to feel her, touch her, smell her. I need to know she’s alive and that what I just felt wasn’t real, that it was only another nightmare.

“I’m here, Lorcan. I’m here,” she whispers, bracing one hand around my back and plunging the other into my hair. I shove my face into her neck, gasping, panting, needing her honeysuckle scent to calm me down, to abolish that horrible sensation of death that I still feel in my chest. “It was just another bad dream. You’re okay.”

But it wasn’t just a bad dream. It was real. It had happened. I’d watched her die. I felt… I felt her…

Bile surges to my throat, and with a choked noise, I scramble to my feet and rip the tent’s opening aside. The cold night air kisses my skin, but I feel none of it as I crash to my knees and empty the contents of my stomach onto the grass. I retch and I retch until there is nothing left, but even then, I cannot rid myself of the feeling; that awful, hollow feeling that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I sense Amberly tread out behind me, kneeling down by my side and rubbing circles into my back. I lean into her touch with a whimper.

I am no longer a Fae lord, or even the terrifying image of a Nightweaver I always tried so hard to fulfill. I’m but half a man. A broken man. Some part of me died with her, and I’ll never get it back.

I cling to her, crying silently into her shirt. But I will gladly be this damaged, broken man if it means she’s still here, that I still get to wake up next to her every day. She makes everything worth it, everything a little more bearable, and she doesn’t even know it.

She draws me closer.

“It’s almost sunrise. The court will wake soon.” She presses a kiss to the clammy skin of my forehead, and I shut my eyes. The warmth of her lips breathes life back into the darkest recesses of my body, of the parts that continue to fester with grief. “Let’s get you back inside, Lorcan.”

I look out towards the sprawling mass of tents and guttered fires. Today is the last night of our journey, and with a couple more hours trek west we will reach the Fae Kingdom.

The encampment is asleep, and I’m thankful. I’m thankful they can’t see their lord in such a state. They would never follow me if they knew just how broken I was, would they?

I grab Amberly’s hand and lace my fingers through hers. In a way, though, I couldn’t care less about that. All I need is her, and the rest of the world can burn for all I care.

“You want to stay out here for a little longer?” She whispers.

“I need the night air.” I swallow thickly. “I need you.”

She’s silent for several moments. Another pathetic whimper pushes from my throat.

“I cannot survive without you, Amberly,” I whisper. “If you’d really died, if you never came back, I don’t think I ever would have survived it. I can hardly survive the memories of when…of when…”

She grips my hand tighter. “I know, but I am not dead anymore, Lorcan. I’m alive. I’m here.” She presses another kiss into my head—this one above my brow.

“I’m never going to lose you again,” I vow to her. “Never. Again. I failed to protect you and I almost lost you forever. I will never make that mistake again. Never.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Lorcan,” she whispers, but I don’t reply because she knows how I feel about this topic. It was my fault. I’m certain of it. I failed her and she died as a result. She may forgive me—she may not even see me at fault—but I will never forgive myself. I will never forgive myself for winding up in an iron-bound chair while she was trapped under a wall of ice. I will never forgive myself for not acting sooner, for not being stronger, for not protecting her like I should have.

But Amberly knows she cannot change my mind about that. So instead of arguing, she drags my body into hers and presses a firm kiss into my hair. My stomach flutters, and I groan at the warmth that blooms in my chest. Love, as I have learned to call it, feels amazing. Specifically, the love I have for her. I feel it so strongly now that it’s a wonder how I ever managed to ignore it before.

What a fool I was. A total fucking fool.

She gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. Then, she stands and walks over to one of the brass tubs. She dunks a white cloth into it and wrings out the icy water. Once she’s done, she pads back over and sits down in the grass beside me—away from the vomit—and gently turns my face towards hers. She dabs the cloth against my mouth and jaw, wiping away the mess I have made of myself, and I shut my eyes.

Her gentle touch feels good. So fucking good.

“The king… He can’t take you away from me. I’ll kill him if he does.” I swallow the rawness in my throat. “I’ll kill him.”

“I know, Lorcan, but it won’t come to that. We’ll explain what really happened, and he’ll understand. We have our whole court here to testify for my innocence.”

I nod at that, although I find I cannot share in her optimism. She wipes away the last of my saliva and tosses the cloth aside.

“Come on,” she whispers, gripping my arm and hauling us upright. I sway on my feet, unsteady, but she braces me. Forever my anchor. “Let’s go back to bed.”

I nod stiffly, allowing her to lead me back into the tent. The moment we’re back down onto the mattress and under the covers, I clutch her body to mine and press her cheek to my chest.

I kiss the top of her head. “Gods, I love you.”

“I know, Lorcan.” She laces her fingers through mine. “I know.”

---

When I wake again, sunlight penetrates the white canvas of our tent, and the low buzz of activity outside tells me it’s well past breakfast.

The woman in my arms stirs, and I plant a light kiss on the top of her shining white hair. I would kiss her on the lips to wake her up—as I usually do—but the bitter tang in my mouth tells me now is not the time. “Morning, lionheart.”

The most adorable moan rumbles from her chest as she comes to, one that simultaneously gets my heart fluttering and my dick aching with need.

She blinks several times before her honey-colored eyes focus on me. She smiles. “Morning, my love.”

A grin tugs at my mouth. She’s started calling me ‘my love’, and I can’t seem to get enough of the name.

She presses a firm kiss to the underside of my jaw, twisting her body so that we lie chest-to-chest. I groan as the needy ache intensifies in my groin, and the sugary scent of her arousal fills the air.

Gods, I’ll never get enough of her. She’s like a fucking drug.

She buries her head into my neck. “Lorcan… Can we have sex?”

My grin broadens. “You know we can’t.”

“Whyyyyy?” She whines, the needy tenor of her voice doing no favors for my erection.

“What, other than the fact everyone will hear?”

She groans loudly. “I’ll be quiet this time.”

I grin at that because we both know that won’t happen. The last time I fucked her, she was so damn loud that I’m certain half the encampment heard. At least, Fennic—who was only a few tents down—had been grouchy the next morning while claiming that he’d not slept a wink, all the while sending us withering glares.

Not that I care. I love listening to the sounds she makes. I love her wanton moans and sighs of pleasure and seeing how well her body responds to mine.

“My breath definitely smells like shit,” I assure her. “I will not subject you to it.”

She considers that for a moment. “You know what… Maybe we should forgo the morning fuck today.”

A voice pierces the canvas. “Oh, thank the gods! The horny shits are actually going to keep it in their pants for once!”

Amberly glares at the wall of the tent. “Piss off, Fennic.”

“How about you get out and start packing the tent up, Amberly? It’s almost nine.”

“Lady Equinox, to you,” she says indignantly, and I can’t help but grin at that. I made Amberly the lady of the court as soon as I could. Although the true tradition says the title is reserved only for the lord’s mate, Amberly is still my mate, and she did Claim me before the bond broke.

Nobody, of course, had objected to her Ladyship. Many were quite eager to bow to Amberly after her show of power. Now she holds the title and, in due time, she will take my last name.

It makes me so damn proud.

Maggie’s laughter comes from several tents down.

“What’s so funny, Magnolia?” Fennic seethes.

“Oh, nothing, Sir Fennic—only that my friend now outranks you!”

Fennic grumbles several curses before storming away. I grin and clutch Amberly to my chest, my love for her squeezing around my heart so hard it hurts.

She sighs. “Come on, he’s right.” She plants a kiss on my nose. “We should really get up. And you should brush your teeth.”

I grin and shove her off me with a giggle. She barks a laugh and staggers to her feet, looking absolutely delicious in her small shorts and loose-fitting tee. She gives me a suggestive glance that tells me she knows exactly where my thoughts are before opening the tent flap and staggering outside.

I stumble out shortly after her in my sweatpants, and as the morning air kisses my bare chest I find myself shuddering. Winter is approaching, and it’ll only be a matter of time before I’m cuddling up to Amberly every damn night for warmth.

Not that I mind. In fact, I’m looking forward to it.

I stare around but Amberly is nowhere to be found, so I locate a toothbrush and toothpaste and begin brushing the bitter tang from my mouth. When I come back to our tent, I see that Amberly is speaking to a gaggle of doe-eyed Fae.

I’m about to go over and save her from the awkward encounter when the image of my little brother causes me to pause.

He stands, unmoving, staring at something very intensely. I follow his gaze, and that is when I see that he is staring at Maggie.

Maggie, who is standing outside her tent in her underwear, arms hitched up in a stretch, is completely unaware of the ogling stare my brother is giving her.