Ch. 10: Oath Breaker

I don’t know exactly how far I fall. One moment, the ground is far below me, the cold air screaming past my ears. The next, my feet are slamming against the ground, and when my left ankle jerks and buckles, I know within an instant that I’ve broken it.

I don’t allow it to stop me. The adrenalin dulls the pain as I sprint out the open gates and towards the forest, wholly aware of the predator that is undoubtedly coming after me. The one I cannot allow to catch me.

Yelling comes from the walls above, and I’m aware of several arrows whizzing past my head as I sprint down towards the woods, but I keep running, somehow managing to miss them all.

“Find that damn horse!” the Lion yells into my head, and when I reach the forest I crash right through the brush, whipping and tearing through the branches as I try to locate my steed. My only means of escaping the nightmare that no doubt trails behind me.

Just as I am tearing through the woods, I stumble across a tangle of broken rope, and something close to rage swells in my chest.

I am stupid. So, so fucking stupid. I should have killed the girl while I had the chance. She’s definitely the reason Narcassia came into the throne room in the first place—she alerted every one of my presence.

Just as I’m about to curse myself into oblivion, however, a nervous nicker comes from ahead, and my heart leaps to my throat as I feel that something is seriously wrong. That I’m missing a vital piece of the puzzle here.

I launch into the clearing where I left my horse, and when I see him backed against the tree and reared up in terror, my body goes cold with realization.

The witch never returned to the Queendom, because she’s here now, her dagger raised to my thoroughbred’s throat.

“NO!” I yell, and the girl stiffens in shock. It’s all the hesitation I need. In a matter of heartbeats, I cross the distance and tear the dagger from my sheath, slashing it across her throat with so much force that it cracks against the bone.

Her body falls. Blood goes everywhere. I don’t even bother to look at her. I merely slash the rope tying my stallion to the tree and leap into the saddle. Then, with the dig of my heels, the thoroughbred whinnies and we take off into the night.

“Don’t let her get away!” a feminine voice comes from behind—sounding much like ice on steel—and my spine shudders. I lean forward and dig my heels further, begging my horse to go faster, needing to escape the evil nipping at my heels.

Eventually, we break out of the woods into open field, and I steadily lose count of the minutes as we ride into the night. My mind is reeling from the events that just took place, and I cannot shake that sense of dread that I felt at the Wicked One’s presence. There is something truly, awfully evil about her—more evil than Narcassia or even the Witch Queen.

No. This woman is a pure monster.

Eventually, the adrenaline wears off, and in its place comes the pain. I feel it everywhere, and with every bump and jerk of the horse comes a fresh wave of agony so intense it takes everything I have not to throw up.

But I manage to keep it down. I keep reminding myself that my body has got to heal at some point as I become increasingly aware of the blood soaking into my clothes, turning everything cold and wet. Even so, I do not stop to tend to my wounds. Not once. All I do is clutch the sword to my side and pray that the Wicked One hasn’t managed to follow me.

Eventually, the minutes turn into hours, and as they do the pain only worsens. It gets to the point where I’m fighting to stay awake, and when my clothes become heavy I can deny it no longer: for whatever reason, I’m not healing, and it’s causing me to lose a lot of blood.

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My hopes soar. Once I’m within those walls, I’ll be home. Safe.

By the time I’m riding through the city, my brain has all but switched off. In all honesty, I think it is my horse doing all the navigation, because by the time I reach the palace gates, my body is slumped forward and I’m hardly conscious.

“LOWER THE BRIDGE!” a voice rings, and through my jittering vision, I see the gleam of black iron as it falls forward. As the might of the palace comes into view.

There’s the thundering of hooves over metal, and then gravel. Distantly, I hear yelling, and swearing, and suddenly, the world is tilting, and I’m falling again.

I smack into the ground with a yelp. I sense the sword clatter off in the gravel to my side, but I am far too encumbered by pain to turn my head and look.

Within seconds, Lorcan is kneeling beside me. I can’t tell if he’s horrified or furious. Maybe both.

I try to choke out his name, but my throat constricts and all I manage is a whimper. A weak, pathetic whimper that seems to break through Lorcan’s rage as his concern for me wins over.

“GET A DAMN MEDIC!” he roars, and I sense movement around me as people spring into action. I remain in my fetal position, fighting to keep my nausea down and my mind awake as the pain consumes me whole. It’s like that fall just pushed every shard of glass further into my body, and now I can hardly think.

“Lo…Lor…c–can…”

“You’re going to be okay, Lionheart.” He grips my hand. Within seconds, our palms are slick with my blood. “Just hang in there.”

“I’m s–sorry…” I whimper. “I–I’m…s-s-so…s-s-s…”

My voice trails off. He doesn’t respond, but he heard me. I know he did.

The light around me fades, and with a shuddering breath, I finally give in to the darkness.

***

When I wake, the first thing I register is the distant whirr of a machine.

I shoot upright. The blood-red light of dawn is spilling in through a set of unfamiliar windows, and I’m currently sitting upon a bed of crisp white sheets and galvanized steel. The various machinery and medical equipment tells me I’m in an infirmary.

I rip away the covers and stare down at my body. I expect to be bandaged from toe to neck, but instead, there is…nothing. My skin is as blank and pale as ever, with not one scratch or bruise in sight, and the seamless rotation of my left foot tells me my ankle is no longer broken.

“You’re awake.”

My head snaps around, and my stomach drops the moment my vision focuses. Lorcan is sitting in a plush armchair just several feet away, body stiff and his expression hard. It’s a look so severe and out-of-place on his face that, for a moment, I am winded, and all I can do is stare at him in silence.

He stares back at me. Watching. Waiting. I open my mouth to explain myself, to spew apologies, but then I remember the very thing that got me into this mess.

“The sword…” I whisper. “Lorcan…where’s the sword?”

For a moment, he says nothing. Then, his mouth curves upwards, and he bursts into a fit of laughter. Crude, dry laughter—completed by the cold steel of his gaze. The indication that he’s not really amused at all.

“Seriously?” he rasps. “That’s the first thing you ask? ‘Where’s the sword’? Do you seriously have such little regard for me?”

He bursts into another fit of dry laughter. My stomach twists with unease.

“Lorcan… I’m serious.” My lips tremble, but I firm them together before I allow myself to break. I hate this, but the last thing I want to show right now is weakness. “Where is it?”

He stops laughing.

“It’s safe,” he snarls, causing me to jolt. “Since that’s obviously all you fucking care about. You hear me, Amberly? It’s safe, and it would be nice if you could show as much concern for your own safety as you do that gods-damned fucking sword.”

I turn away.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

There’s a long moment of silence.

“‘Sorry’?” Lorcan stares at me. Then he sneers, and it is then that I see it. His rage. “Sorry? Enlighten me, Amberly, what in the gods-loving fuck could you ever be sorry for?”

“You know what,” I choke out, hating this version of him. Hating the way he’s looking at me, as though I’m somebody unrecognizable. As though I’ve hurt him immeasurably. “I’m sorry for going to the Queendom to retrieve the sword without telling you, Lorcan. I broke your promise—”

“You’re not sorry,” he sneers.

“I am—”

“Apologies are reserved for accidents. You went there on purpose.” His eyes flash with pain. “You deceived me on purpose. So tell me, Amberly, are you really sorry, or are you just searching for a cop-out?”

I say nothing. In all honesty, there is nothing I can say, because while I’m sorry for hurting him, I can’t say that I’m sorry for getting the sword. For ensuring everyone’s safety, however stupid and reckless my execution was.

I cannot be sorry for something I did to keep him safe, but I cannot tell him that. So, instead, I say nothing.

“Well? What have you got to say for yourself?”

“Nothing, Lorcan. I have absolutely nothing to say for myself.” I twist to face him. “In fact, what is it you want me to say?”

His eyes harden to steel. “Tell me why you betrayed me.”

“I had no choice,” I hiss. “That sword was in such damn close proximity to the Wicked One, and she was one touch away from discovering it herself. The Lion knew it. I knew it. In fact, it was the Lion who kept insisting that I go. Why would I ever ignore the word of a god?”

I instantly know I’ve said something wrong when his eyes widen in anger.

“What, so you took the word of another man over me?”

“It is not like that, Lorcan—”

“Then what is it like, Amberly, hm? Who do you hold more loyalty to? Me, or some voice inside your head?”

The Lion growls within my mind, but I force him back as I fix Lorcan with a level stare.

“The Lion knew just as much as I did that the sword had to be retrieved. I merely did what needed to be done.”

“And I knew that that was a stupid, risky stunt that could have wound up with you getting killed or worse!”

Lorcan’s voice rises by the syllable, and I find myself shaking. Tears sting my eyes.

“The longer that sword stayed in her possession, the longer she would have to discover her magic. Then we would all be doomed. All of us, you hear me? I do not have the power to take on the Wicked One yet.”

“She is magic-less. We could all probably destroy her now if we tried. If we banded together.”

I shake my head. “You know that’s not possible. The Lion said only I would have the power to take her on—”

“Yes, because the Lion is always so damn right, isn’t he?”

I suppress my scowl, although the Lion snarls again inside my head. “I saw her, Lorcan. I felt the power emanating off of her—the pure evil that could destroy worlds. She has magic, alright, and that’s just her base amount—she hasn’t even found any of her damn artifacts yet!” I take a heaving breath. “I have bought everyone and myself precious time. I risked my life for all the right reasons—I do not regret it one bit.”

“You risked your life for no reason.” He stands from the chair and storms over to the bed. “I had a gods-damned plan that we were going to follow, and it would have been just as successful. Nobody’s life would have been at risk. You decided to be selfish and take matters into your own hands—”

“Selfish?” I rear up on him like a snake, eyes narrowed and teeth bared. “Selfish? Do you have any idea what I am sacrificing, Lorcan? Do you have any idea of the sacrifices I am bound to make in the future?” I slide off the bed and stand, until we are almost chest-to-chest. “I am going to be the one saving this world. Not you, me—and it is going to cost everything that I have. So never, ever call me selfish again, you hear?”

His lips pull back from his teeth. “Then what are you, then? An oath-breaker? A liar?”

My bottom lip trembles at the insult, but thankfully my fury at his words burns away any tears that threaten to fall.

But I stop myself from snapping back. Instead, I press my lips together and step back, staring Lorcan straight in the eyes as I deadpan, “I’m leaving.”

His eyes widen before narrowing in scorn. “What, running away so soon?”

I don’t answer him. I just turn away, walking briskly as small tremors wrack my body. If I don’t leave in the next five seconds, I’m going to break down in tears, and that is the last thing I need right now.

“Running away is the mark of a coward, you know. Not a quality of the self-sacrificing martyr you so adamantly claim to be!”

I still don’t answer.

“YOU PROMISED ME!” he finally roars. “You promised me you wouldn’t go, yet you did. You lied right to my damn face, and what’s worse is that you tried to hide it. You betrayed me, Amberly!”

I whirl on him. “You want to talk about broken promises? Fine. Let’s talk about the time you ran away from me, shall we?” I curl my fists in anger, at the faint hurt that still echoes in my chest at the memory. “When the mate bond first snapped into place. You promised me you’d never leave, but you did. You did it in a fucking heartbeat. Have anything to say for that?”

He blinks. “That is in the past—”

“Exactly. It is in the past, and you know what? I can understand why you did. I am not even blaming you. Hell, I do not even hold it against you. At the time, you did what you thought was right, and I can respect that.” I step towards him. “So I ask that you extend the same grace to me, because just like you, I did what I thought was right. I have nothing but good intentions, Lorcan, just like you did!”

Lorcan is silent. Totally, utterly silent, yet for some reason, I feel the need to fill the void. To put all this painful emotion writhing inside my chest into words.

“You do not understand what it is like,” I hiss, hating the emotional rasp of my voice. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be under this kind of pressure, to have the fate of everyone you know and love resting upon your shoulders. You do not know what it is like to have a literal god inside your head, telling you what is right and what is wrong. So yes, I am sorry for breaking that promise, Lorcan, but I never should have made it in the first place. I was always going to put your life above any promises I made.”

Lorcan is silent. I turn away from him

He mumbles something under his breath.

“What?” I say, whirling back to him.

“I had to watch you die!” he snaps, eyes gleaming suspiciously bright. I stand there in shock. “I felt it in my very chest, as though a part of me died with you, and even though I was lucky enough to get you back I cannot erase the memories from my head. Your—your screams, your terror… I felt it. I felt it all, and when that ice wall sealed over your head, when I felt your life essence gutter and the string between us break…” His arms begin to shake. “I cannot stand it, Amberly. I cannot stand the thought of losing you. Can’t you see that I do not want to lose you again!?”

For several moments, I am silent as he heaves for air. Then, I step towards him.

“You are not going to lose me again.”

“You don’t know—”

“You are not going to lose me again, Lorcan. I am not a helpless mortal anymore,” I say, and I sense something tingle under my skin. Something that kindles in response to my determination and rage. Magic. “I am not a girl who can die by age or mere drowning anymore. I am a full-blooded Fae. I am a Lightweaver.”

My skin glows with white light. Lorcan’s eyes widen. “Amberly—”

“I know what it is like to lose somebody you love. I am familiar with every awful inch of it, because you seem to forget that I had to watch you die, Lorcan. It haunts my every damn nightmare, and what’s worse is that that reality could very much come to pass. Your life—everyone’s lives—hangs in the balance right now, and I need to ensure that balance tips in my favor. That is my destiny, and I will do everything in my power to ensure your survival. To ensure everyone’s survival.”

“Even if it means killing yourself?”

“Even if it means—” I take a step towards him “—killing myself.”

Lorcan stares at me for several long moments, something hard swirling in his gaze. Then, he spins away and starts walking for the door. My bravado shatters as I begin stumbling after him.

“But it is only because I love you that I would make such a sacrifice, you have to understand that.”

He doesn’t answer.

“I am not saying it out of spite or anger or to get back at you or—damn it, look at me!”

His hand grips the doorknob before wrenching it open. I come to an abrupt stop.

“Lorcan…?” I choke out. He twists his head to look back at me, and I swear tears glisten in his eyes. Then, without so much as a word, he storms out and whips the door shut behind him, and I am left with an endless, yawning pit in my stomach.