Chapter 10: Anxiety

I take a deep breathe and climb off my bike, kicking the stand up infront of my house.

I open the front door and i look to my left seeing my dad drinking as the sunset light shines into the room.

“Come here.” His voice is stern.

“C-can i go see mama first?” I sniffle.

“Two minutes.”

I quickly go upstairs and into mamas room knowing i wouldn’t be able to face her after my dads punishment.

“Hi mama.” I smile.

She slowly looks away from the tv and at me, not talking.

I recline her chair down and make sure all of her medications are connected properly.

She has a nurse that takes care of her during the day. I used to do it myself but mama said it’s best for me to live my life.

So i am.

I’m living for her.

“How are you feeling?”

She just looks at me. No response.

She must not be feeling good today. And it’s all my fault.

“I love you so much.” I whisper wrapping my arms around her and holding her tightly.

“Cold.” She whispers.

I pull away and grab an extra blanket laying it over her, “Better?”

She nods.

“Penelope. Get your ass down here.” My dad calls.

“I love you, mama. Goodnight.”

Tears roll down my cheeks as i walk downstairs and i continuously wipe them.

I peak out the stairs and my dad looks at me, “Get here.” He slurs.

“Dad,” I sob, “I didn’t want to come home and get mama sick.”

“She’s already fucking sick because of you!”

My entire body trembles and i press the heels of my hands to my eyes as i sob, “Daddy, please, i didn’t mean to make her sick.”

He stands up and moves around his chair.

I slowly back away, “Please.”

“Don’t fucking walk away from me, you know you deserve this.”

“I know, i know.”

I gasp as he grabs my hands and pulls them away from my face.

He slaps me across the face and i squeal.

“Dad.” I cry.

“Turn around.”

I whimper and hiccup as i spin.

He knees me in the back and i fall to all fours with a yelp.

When the hits begin, it doesn’t take long for me to go numb.

It doesn’t take long till i’m curled into my usual ball.

I blink slowly and i’m sure i’m about to pass out.

“Don’t fucking pass out. You deserve to feel this pain. The pain you put on your mother.” He pulls my hair and makes me sit up.

“Dad, i can’t take it a-anymore.” I look up at him.

Something in his eyes flash before turning back to rage.

“Go to bed.” He walks away to his bedroom.

I use the walls to help me stand and i grip the railing of the stairs to pull my limp body up.

I crawl into my bed and flinch in every position i’m in. My whole body hurts.

Everything hurts.

It doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep, i don’t even know if i fell asleep, or passed out.

But i’m gone.

~~

It’s 1pm by the time i wake up.

I grab my phone and i see a message from Parker. I try to smile but it hurts so much.

Parker: Where are you, Pipsqueak?

Once a week friends now are we?

Me: I’m sorry

Parker: What for, sweetheart?

Me: Not coming earlier

Parker: Where are you, i’ll come.

Me: You don’t have to do that. I’ll come see you.

Parker: You sure?

Me: Yes.

He’s my only motivation to get out of bed today.

I slowly get up and go to the bathroom to get ready.

I wash my face, brush my teeth and brush my hair before choosing my outfit.

I wash my face, brush my teeth and brush my hair before choosing my outfit3

my fit ^^

I don’t look in the mirror. I don’t want to see the way i look. I don’t even bother with makeup.

I slowly creep downstairs and make sure my dad is passed out before leaving.

Even taking a step hurts, but i need to ride my bike to look normal.

I climb on and wince but once i get my body moving it’s not so bad.

I slowly pull up to Parker’s mechanics as he’s talking to a guy and the boys are working on some of the cars.

I lock my stand up and take my time walking over.

Parker looks at me and does a double take and quickly wraps up conversation with the guy, and hands him his car keys before coming to me.

His brows are drawn tight as his eyes flicker my face. He grabs my chin between his thumb and pointer finger and moves my face to the side.

“What happened?” He mutters lowly.

“What do you mean?” I keep my eyes on him.

“The bruise on your face.”

Oh my god.

How could i be so stupid?

“P, what happened?” His voice is so gentle.

“I uhm,” I laugh, “I fell off my bike.”

“Yesterday?”

I nod.

His thumb runs over my cheek, “You could have called me.”

“Don’t worry.” I smile.

He drops his hand off my face and puts it on my hip rubbing it.

“Can i have a hug?” I ask.

His hugs make me feel so safe. Like no one can hurt me. Not even my dad.

Parker doesn’t respond and just pulls me close, wraps his arms around me. I tangle my hands around his neck and play with the ends of his hair resting my head on his chest.

The way his arms hold me against him, grounding me. It’s a type of comfort i’ve never known i needed in my life.

I’ve never really felt safe anywhere for a long time. I’ve never felt safe with someone, some where.

But with Parker, he makes me feel so safe.

He makes everything seem okay.

I feel one of his hands wrap in my hair, “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I fiddle with his shirt.

I wait for him to pull away and he doesn’t. He holds me and doesn’t let go.

I pull away slightly just to look at his face.

“Are you busy tonight?” I question.

“No.”

“Do you want to go to dinner?”

He nods and a smile tugs at his lips.

I smile and poke his eye crinkles which makes him squint.

“Penelopeeee.” Nico sings coming over.

Parker and I remove our hands from eachother and i turn to face Nico, my entire body on fire.

“Hi.” I smile.

“Have you drugged him?” He nods at Parker.

“No,” I sigh, “I wish.”

Parker let’s put a grunt which makes me giggle.

“He never smiles.” He says.

“I do smile.” Parker glares.

“He makes no sense,” Nico shakes his head, “He’s nice to you and mean to everyone else.”

Parker walks away and i laugh, “He isn’t that mean.”

“You say that because he’s nice to you.”

“I don’t understand why.”

“It’s because he likes you.” Wes comes over joining the conversation.

“Yeah, i don’t really understand that part either.”

“Why? You’re super nice.” Gavin says throwing his rag over his shoulder, “You bring out the nice side of him.”

“Doesn’t he find me annoying, or you guys? Like i talk a lot. And i’m kind of always around.”

“You don’t annoy us. You’re fun to have around.”

“Why is Parker so grumpy anyway?” I sit up on the bonnet of one of the cars.

They all look between each other unsurely.

“Just tell me,” I smile, “I won’t tell anyone.”

We all look towards Parker and watch as he leaves going out the back.

“We are only telling you because you’re his only friend besides us.”

I stifle a laugh, “Okay.”

“We all met back in middle school and all became friends,” Gavin explains, “Parker was always quiet he never talked ever and once we became closer his mum told us he had anxiety.”

Oh.

“And as we got to high school he opened up but as we got older he shut down again. And one night we were drunk,”

I gulp trying not to picture it.

“And he had a full on breakdown.”

“He was crying and we’ve never seen him cry. Even when he broke his leg, he didn’t cry.” Nico adds.

This is a lot of information at once.

“Stop getting us side tracked,” Gavin hits his shoulder.

“Yeah, anyway, he had a full meltdown and was telling us how much he hates his anxiety and how it makes him so angry and upset. So we realised, that’s why he’s grumpy.”

Wes bursts into tears, “It was so sad.”

I jump off the car and wrap my arms around Wes’s torso. “Don’t cry, it’s okay.”

He wraps his arms around my shoulders and hugs me.

Once he stops crying i pull away.

“That is actually really sad.” I say.

I can understand why dealing with anxiety like that for so long would make him be so grumpy.

Everyone deals with it differently and i guess that’s how he can somewhat cope.

“Yeah, but he’s learnt how to deal with it. Mostly.”

I nod, “He’s a big softie at heart isn’t he?”

They all laugh, “I think so.”

I give Wes another hug to make sure he’s okay.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

He laughs, “I’m good, P.”

I hear footsteps before Parker speaks, “You should be working.”

I back away from Wes and turn to Parker walking to him.

He looks at me and wraps his hand on my waist pulling me closer and holding me tightly against him. I fiddle with his shirt in my fingers as he talks with his workers.

After knowing this about him, it makes me feel like i understand him on a deeper level.

“We were telling Penelope a funny story,” Nico lies.

I nod in agreement against his chest.

I just love being with him.

“Get back to work.” His chest vibrates as he talks.

“Why were you hugging him?” He whispers in my ear.

I pull my head up and look at him, “He was sad.”

He looks at him and back to me as he holds me tighter, “Why? What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing. He’s okay. Are you okay?”

He nods, “I’m fine.”

He looks back at Wes worryingly.

“He’s okay, ask him.” I try to reassure him.

“It’s fine,” He shakes his head looking back at me, “Do you want to go out now? We can go to my place.”

“Okay.”

He checks in his pockets to make sure he has his keys, phone and wallet before taking my hand in his.

“Have a good day,” He mumbles to everyone.

“Bye.” I wave with my other hand.

“Bye, Penelope.” They say synchronised.

“You guys should become a band!” I call before Parker slides me into the passenger side of the car.

I buckle myself up as he goes to his side of the car.

“Parker?” I say as he begins driving.

“Yes, Pipsqueak?” He glances at me.

“Can i hold your hand?”